NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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