idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
