so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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