Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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