Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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