i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
