She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
