At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
