You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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