every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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