Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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