12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
