just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
