So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
