I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
