she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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