Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You ruined the universe
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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