You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
