Pants 0. Shit 1.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
