Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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