K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry about my life...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
