Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
