I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just found puke in my bra..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
