Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
