he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
