First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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