I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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