how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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