like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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