He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
