Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
