i love accidental penises.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
