I just pynch a tree in the face
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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