Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
