You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
