she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
