when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
