You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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