hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.