They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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