Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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