wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
