***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
