the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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