can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I faked an abortion last night.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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