my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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