from now on my penis is your penis
I'm eating all of the evidence.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
