so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
