Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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