Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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