so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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