Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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