We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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