Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
