new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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