Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
