I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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