Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
