never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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