i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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