I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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