I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
