When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
