My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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