I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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