i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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