I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
