if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This couple is walking their pig around campus
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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