You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
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I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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