My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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