nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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