New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
