hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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