is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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