This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
