No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
