So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
