a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This baby is an asshole
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
