Kiss
Puke
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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