omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
