I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
