yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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