We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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