so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
