u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
