this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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