i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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