I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they need to just BURY HIM!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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