Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
