Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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