he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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