I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
