I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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