but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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