I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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